Close Call

Last night I almost had what one would call a moment of weakness. I came home from work and realized I had not eaten since noon, and it was now like 10 p.m. I did not want fast food, nor did I want to go to some restaurant and have to sit there alone. That really only leaves one kind of place...a bar.

So, I trekked up to Noblestown Road and looked around, and saw a place called the Ugly Dog Saloon, and underneath the sign it said bar and grille. I went in and it seemed okay, not very busy. I grabbed a seat at the bar and asked for a menu and a glass of water. I ordered a chicken quesadilla and watched the Cardinals/Braves game while waiting for my food.

As I waited, I started to have an urge to order a Miller Lite draft. It looked good coming out of the tap. My mind started to debate what to do, and naturally the first thing I thought (as if the little devil on my shoulder was whispering to me) was, what would it hurt? Just one beer, no one would know. It's not like you'd get drunk off it. Then the other side spoke, unfortunately this was no angel, just another little devil, and said "seriously man, it would taste really good right now, and the rest of the people would stop looking at you like some kind of weirdo for drinking water." At that point I had not thought people were staring at me, but now I was becoming paranoid.

After a few minutes of listening to these arguments, I decided to ask the big guy for some help. No, not God, this big, fat guy sitting near me. I told him my dilemma and he thought on it for a moment and gave me this answer: "One beer never really hurt anyone, I come here all the time and drink a beer, and I am doing just fine." My mind was made up, have a beer. Then he fell out of his stool and a bouncer came over and hit him with a taser and drug him out of the bar. I found out that he'd been there since noon, enjoying his one beer, which was really 38 beers. I then decided to finish my food and get the hell out of there.

Crisis averted, still no alcohol since April 30th. Oh, and some of the events in this story are made up, not telling which, but I am sure you can guess (no, the quesadilla was real and very tasty).