Go To Church People!

I might be inclined to go to church if there were Star Destroyers sitting above.  Or at least, I might go nearby and watch to see if they start firing on the parishioners...

Picture comes from Cory Doctorow.

Getting Ready For My Night At The Joe

I am mere hours from stepping into one of the more storied hockey venues in the world as I will be in attendance to see the Blackhawks visit the Red Wings this evening. As far as hockey arenas go, this is one of the ones I'm really most excited for given its relative age, tenant and history. The Red Wings have been among the most well-run franchises in professional sports for the last 20 years and tonight I will get to see, firsthand, one of the more unique arenas in the League.

Also the game is kind of really important.

This will be a fun and appropriate capper to what has been an enjoyable few days in Michigan. This state is actually the only one of the upper Midwest that I had never spent much time in, so not only was I happy to get a taste of Ann Arbor and various staple eateries such as the Maize and Blue Deli or The Cottage Inn, but I've also gotten the opportunity to try what has to be the greatest named beer I've ever heard of in my life, which was of course, a local brew from the city of Detroit known as.... Ghetto Blaster.

Yes, Ghetto Blaster.

I won't even claim to be above the fray on this one. We absolutely bought a pitcher of this beer simply because the name was hilarious and the word "blaster" made me immediately assume this was the type of beer that would be produced by some combination of events on The Wire and at Mos Eisley Spaceport. Whether or not they serve it at the cantina, I can't say, but if Han drank it he would almost certainly be shooting first. The beer itself isn't half bad, though I wouldn't consider it great.

Really the name sells the beverage.


Other exciting events of the week have included watching Michigan go to the Frozen Four National Championship Game in a massive group of Wolverines, which is an uncomfortable position when you don't really like Michigan, last night when I went to a bizarre karaoke fundraiser at a gay bar called Aut Bar, which had a somewhat overwhelming assortment of Robert Mapplethorpe photographs on the walls.

Also, I was only hit on by one man, which, even as a heterosexual, was kind of disappointing. I'm just going to assume they could tell I wouldn't be interested.

Of course, the biggest event so far was my visit to the Palace of Auburn Hills to see the Pistons beat the Nets in an entertainingly high scoring, and defensively nonexistent affair. The Palace is an interesting arena because it's more than 20 years old and yet as the forebear of the modern wave of luxury-suite laden basketball and hockey arenas, it actually holds up very well. It hardly seems as old as it is even though some of the murals are a bit out of date, such as the one depicting the three-time WNBA champion Detroit Shock, who have since moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Also, the ubiquity of dumbest basketball GM alive Isiah Thomas is less than inspiring if you're a Knicks fan, but otherwise the building has aged better than George Clooney in a number of senses. If I had been told it was four years old, I would have believed it.

Of course, 48 hours later, the far more meaningful event of the week, given the fact that both teams are still alive and have won Stanley Cups in the last three years, is happening tonight, and I am pumped. I have no idea what traffic heading into Detroit will be like, but I'm optimistic that I'll have plenty of time to see how the place looks and hopefully scope out that statue of Gordie Howe they've got. And there's also the outside chance that I'll get to see Chicago clinch a playoff spot depending on what happens between Dallas and Colorado, an event that, remarkably, in all my years of attending sporting events would be a first.

Of course, for that to happen, quite a few chips would have to fall into place. Beggers can't be choosers. I'm just happy to be there.

And if they serve Ghetto Blaster on tap, I may just be even happier.

The Journey Continues In 2011 With Team No. 38: The Philadelphia 76ers

Yes, 2011 is almost six whole weeks in and here I am with not one new team knocked off the list. This isn't the worst thing if I'm planning on keeping pace with the needed rate. I decided a year ago that if I wanted to see all 122 teams by the time I was 55, this would require seeing roughly six new ones per year -- or one every two months. Well fortunately, I'm not too far gone for that pace to continue so far, and this calendar year could actually have me seeing as many as 11 teams or as few as, well, one.

But I will have one!

And I know that because Team No. 38 will be crossed off the list this Friday when myself and at least five other hearty souls attend the Knicks-76ers game at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia. While I've already attended this building once for a Flyers game a year ago, I'm extremely excited for a few reasons. Firstly) It's one step closer to my goal. Obviously. Secondly) While I was never not a Knicks fan over the last decade, this season has easily made me a reinvigorated one. Thirdly) Rather than traveling to meet one or two people, as is the usual situation, a whole group of my friends and I will be driving down to Philadelphia for the game. Fourthly) I'll be wearing the first Knicks jersey I've ever owned. Fifthly) There may be a potential tour of Lincoln Financial Field in the works provided I don't let my anti-Philadelphianism get the best of me.

And I am anti-Philadelphia. I have made this clear. But sometimes you have to go to the belly of the beast to get what you want, and I have a goal to accomplish. Sometimes we do unsavory things, even if there are cheesesteaks involved.

Whether or not that cheesesteak from Pat's is involved is yet to be seen, but either way, it should be a fun evening for all involved with one more step being taken towards those white pearly gates of the North American sports scene.

As it stands, that will be my first trip of the year, but hopefully the first of many. I am expecting to see the Washington Capitals when they host the Blackhawks in March and I recently booked a flight to Detroit in April where I will see the Pistons and Red Wings. Originally I considered flying out in January to see the Red Wings play the Devils, but a) the Devils are in the midst of a painful season and b) it's January in Detroit. I've had more than my fair share of snow this year. I'm not interested in anymore. Unless all of the snow results more star wars statues like the one to the left.

I'd sign up for that in a second.

Before I wrap up, I should note that this will be my first trip since December's adventure to Nassau Coliseum to see the Islanders face-off with the Penguins, and in a bit of full-circle quirkiness, the Islanders played the Penguins again tonight. This time the Penguins won fairly easily, but the score was almost secondary because this game featured something I would have killed to see in person. That's right. This game featured the two greatest words in hockey.

"Goalie Fight."



That's the Islanders' Rick DiPietro being dropped like a rag doll by Pittsburgh's Brent Johnson, and while Johnson may be a backup goaltender, he appears to be a first-rate pugilist with a cross like that. If that isn't DiPietro's career as an Islander in a nutshell, well, I don't know what is. Thanks for letting us watch, Rick.

On that note, I'm done with this ramble. See you in Philly.

So I Guess I Was Wrong Again

I neglected to mention on Wednesday that January 12 was my first Blogversary for this all-too-heavily trafficked site. It's ok if you forgot to buy me a present. I can't blame you for perhaps getting distracted by what was, perhaps, one of my more depressing entries, but the good news is that since today happens to be my half-birthday -- at 25 1/2 I'm pretty ancient now -- you still have the time to buy me a present. It's the least you can do after all the trouble I've gone to to bore all of you for the past 12 months.

One might say I already got a present yesterday when Cam Newton announced he was entering the NFL Draft (what, he didn't think he'd be eligible at Auburn next year?), but if none of you can find it in your hearts to be so generous, however, I'll manage to be ok because I got a gift of sorts already this week in the form of my tickets to next month's Knicks-76ers game in Philadelphia, a venture that will knock Team No. 38 off the list and get me one step closer to that ultimate goal of way too many stadiums than the average person should see -- though considering the Sixers and Flyers both play at the Wells Fargo Center, I guess I've actually seen this arena already.

Regardless, Feb. 4th in Philadelphia should be an exciting day, if for no other reason than the fact that the Knicks, by some remarkable mystery, continue to to be good and this will mark the third city I've seen them in outside of New York. And considering how mediocre the Sixers have been this season, I've managed to snag rather decent seats at a stiff discount from the face value price.

Go me.

Of course, I've had some difficulty actually seeing the new tickets with all of the egg on my face from last Saturday, and if you're wondering what egg I'm talking about you either didn't read my entry on picks last week (extremely likely) or didn't watch the Seahawks stunning upset win over the Saints last weekend (let's be honest, you just didn't read my blog entry). But the long and short of it was, I think the Seahawks are a terrible football team. Still do, actually. And yet they knocked off the defending-champion New Orleans Saints in a first-round playoff upset that is, well, really pretty damn remarkable.

How remarkable?

Well, suffice it to say, and I know Giants fans will consider this blasphemy, trust me, I am one of them after all, but I might go so far as to say this might be the biggest postseason upset of the last decade if not ever. Yes, I know the Giants were up against what was probably the greatest football team I ever saw in Super Bowl XLII, and pulled out a dramatic victory if there ever was one, but let's remember a few things. For one, the Giants were pretty damn good that season. They were 10-6 that season, which most years is at the very least decent enough to get you into the postseason if not a respectable showing. In addition New York had had some dominant performances that season and at one point won six games in a row, which is nearly as many as Seattle won the entire regular season. Lastly, it is hard to ignore that the Giants nearly beat the Patriots in the final week of the regular season.

While the Seahawks were home and the Saints were flying across the country and were battling injuries, there was never an indication that Seattle with its 28th-ranked offense was capable of outscoring one of the top offenses in the League. And that's because, and last Saturday aside, I will stand by this, the Seattle Seahawks are a terrible football team. Seriously. They are terrible.

How terrible are we talking? Well, according the editor of FiveThirtyEight.com and general statistics wiz Nate Silver, the Seahawks are the worst NFL team to ever make the postseason in a non-strike year, and might possibly be the second worst playoff team in the history of professional sports. God bless the 1952-53 Baltimore Bullets. To put an even finer point on it -- possibly the finest point -- one analysis in Silver's article showed these Seahawks would be just three-point favorites over the 2008 Detroit Lions. And if you need any refresher on that team, they were pretty horrendous.

Of course, given all that, I'm sure they're going to whoop the Bears in Chicago this weekend -- they beat them there once already -- just to make me look like a fool again, though if you go back and look, I did, in fact, say the Seahawks would win against New Orleans last week. The details beneath the heading are just fine print. You don't need to read those.

Besides, y'all can give me credit for correctly tabbing the other three games last weekend, including wins by two six-seeds, right? Or at least I can distract you with this excellent representation of Marshawn Lynch's game-sealing touchdown run, which just might be the greatest in NFL postseason history.



In any event, you're not here to read my rambles. You're here to see some picks. Picks that will probably be wrong. Heaven forbid I keep you from that. So here we go.

NFC
(1) Atlanta over (6) Green Bay
Does anyone else think it's almost unfair that these two teams have to face each other while the Bears and Seahawks try not to cross swords in the powder puff bowl? Probably. I really won't be surprised if either team wins this game, but the Falcons and Matty Ice are nearly unbeatable at the Georgia Dome so I'll give them the nod. Either way, I expect whomever takes this one to be representing the NFC in Dallas next month.

(2) Chicago over (4) Seattle
This just has disaster written all over it, doesn't it? I could feel like I'm falling into the trap on this one by relying on the truth that the Seahawks are not good at football. After all, who else could inspire multiple Mario Bros.-themed Youtube mashups? But come on. I'm not stupid. The Bears may be one of the weaker No. 2 seeds we've seen in a while, but they're better than Seattle. Go ahead. Prove me wrong again.

AFC

(6) NY Jets over (1) New England
Yeah, I know, this one is ballsy. But have you seen today's New York Post? Really. Have you seen it? These people have outdone themselves in a way I never thought possible. And if this brilliant piece of, yes, art, doesn't tell you that the force is, in fact, with the Jets, then you either don't have faith in upsets or haven't noticed how amazingly close this back page comes to duplicating all three Star Wars special edition movie posters while taking in elements from nearly each film. Seriously. Somehow this has topped both Hothlanta, and the latest Death Star trench run. Somehow this has actually made me almost forget about Antonio Cromartie's all-too-honest assessment of Tom Brady, or Wes Welker's rather clever press conference from earlier this week. So yeah, let's go with the Jets, I guess. Why not?

(2) Pittsburgh over (5) Baltimore
It's kind of remarkable that with two great teams facing off who also happen to hate each other, no one really seems to have noticed that this game is being played. Sure Sportscenter gives it five or so minutes every hour, but come on. This is probably the best matchup of the weekend and it's almost as if it isn't happening. Well, maybe that's an exagerration, but it is happening, and I really have no idea who'll win, but I'm still bitter at Baltimore for some football game that happened like a decade ago, so... I'll go with the Stillers.

I bet five people at most got through that whole screed. No matter. The fewer of you that know I was wrong on Monday morning the better. Happy football everyone.

More Star Wars Insanity

I realize my last post was about Star Wars, but blame SpikeTV--they are showing the originals today.  Anyways, I just watched one of my favorite parts, the above video includes the part where Vader chokes the nonbeliever.  It then got me thinking...

-Everything Obi-Wan tells Luke is basically a lie.  I know, he says that it is the truth from a certain point of view, but does this seem like good Jedi behavior?  When I met your father, he was already one of the best star pilots in the galaxy...ummm when you met his father, he was a little boy.  I highly doubt he was that great of a pilot.

-Your uncle did not want your father to get involved.  Uncle Owen did not really know Anakin, and he most certainly had no say whether Anakin was involved.

-Obi-Wan does not remember R2D2?  I guess senility is also a major Jedi trait.

-Vader's great speech about how the power to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.  Ummm, really?  Have we ever witnessed anything that would lead us to believe that the Force can do anything close to this?

-Obi-Wan says that he has not gone by that name since before Luke was born...did anyone at the end of Revenge of the Sith call him Ben?  I do not remember that.

-How shitty of a protocol droid is C-3PO?  I get that his mind must have been wiped a few times, but he does not know that Jawas are from Tatooine?

-In Return of the Jedi, Luke is escorted to the Emperor with handcuffs on.  The Emperor then releases them with the Force.  Why would they even bother putting them on a Jedi?

-Also, when the Emperor is taunting Luke by saying that he should just reach out and take the lightsaber and strike him down, why doesn't Luke just use the force to slowly turn it around and flip the switch on so it stabs the Emperor?  There are plenty of places in these films where we see Jedi use their power for something mundane (Obi-Wan is way too lazy to shut doors by hitting a button), but they fail to use it for something useful (why not use it to flip the off-switch on a lightsaber during a battle).  Am I the only one who thinks of this stuff?

Okay, I promise that I am done with this now.

Star Wars Stupidity

I am sitting here right now watching Star Wars Episode I:  The Phantom Menace on SpikeTV (I watched the last half of Episode III) and it occurred to me there are plenty of idiotic things about these films when compared to the originals.  I am sure people have pointed these things out before or found explanations, but it is still fun to make fun.

-If you are trying to hide Anakin Skywalker's children, why would you take one of them to Tattooine:  the place where Anakin was born?

-Also, why the hell would you keep his last name as Skywalker?  Did Luke ever have to register his T-16?  I am sure the Imperial DMV would have Skywalker on file.  Darth Vader and the Emperor did not keep a search program running to alert them if that name ever came up?

-Why does the Emperor refer to Luke as the son of Skywalker when talking to Vader?  Why not just say "your son cannot become a Jedi."  I guess that would have killed the big shock ending.

-Allow me to get this straight, Yoda and Obi-Wan escape from the Emperor and Vader and go into hiding.  What was their master plan?  Never train either child and just hope that the two bad guys die of old age?  Why not move to the farthest corner of the galaxy (I am guessing Tattoine) and train both of them both to be Jedi Knights.  Also, why wouldn't they both be out searching for other surviving Jedi?  Instead they just wait for them all to be killed or later hunted down by Vader.  Great plan.

One of my favorite posters from the prequels

-How does Princess Leia tell Luke that she remembers her mother as being very sad.  Padme dies when they are born.  Sorry, she loses the will to live.  Apparently that is a diagnosis in that universe.  I wonder what House would say?  He would definitely want an autopsy.

-Yoda and Chewbacca were good friends.  I somehow find it hard to believe that Luke and Chewie never have that discussion.  I am sure that Han would ask Luke where he learned how to be so badass and Luke would be like "oh, this old Jedi Master, Yoda trained me."  Or could Han have mentioned the weird ramblings from Luke to Chewie after Hoth?  I am almost certain one of these conversations had to happen.  Maybe Luke and Chewie once drank some beers and lamented over their dead friend.

-I always forget that Anakin is like Jesus.  He has no human father.  Quite creepy.  I wonder what Jesus' midichlorian count would have been?

A Second Video!

I saw this video over at filmdrunk the other day.  I saw it before somewhere and both sites make fun of Jake Lloyd for coming off as awkward.  To me, he seems more annoyed with the interviewer than anything.  Asking if he uses his role as Anakin to get girls?  If he still has any of the merchandise?

The funny thing to me is that people would be making fun of him if he was still clinging to that aspect of his life.  If his house was packed full of little Anakin figures everywhere, he would be a bit creepy.  Instead he says that he is finishing school and wants to be a film editor.  Good for him.  I can understand why he would be hesitant to do an interview after the way everyone made fun of his acting in Episode I.



I promise this will be the last video of the day.  I may even put up a GOTW...

My Birthday

It's been a few days since my birthday and I guess that means I should write about the adventures of the day.  I had a great day.  It started off with my mom, Adam, and Lora all going over to State College to enjoy a movie.  We went to see The Social Network.  This is significant because it was the first time my mom had been to a movie since 1999 (she went to see Star Wars Episode I with Adam and I).

I really enjoyed the movie.  It was very good, especially when you consider the subject matter:  the creation of Facebook.  I find it funny that so many people think that Mark Zuckerberg was portrayed as a jerk.  I wonder what that says about me?  It is the type of movie that I would have no problem watching again on HBO, but I would never go out and buy it.  Know what I mean?

After the movie we went over to Champs for dinner.  I had the always delicious Cajun Chicken Cheese Steak and a few Peroni's.  I had never tried Peroni and I really liked it.  Who knew Italian beer was any good?  When the waitress (I think her name was Stacy, so that was what we shall call her) asked for my ID, we had a fun exchange.

Me:  Today is my birthday (as I look for my ID)
Stacy:  Oh?  How old are you?
Me:  I just turned 21.
Stacy:  Really?  Like last night, or tonight at midnight?
Me:  Ten minutes ago.  That was the exact time of my birth.
Stacy (now looking at my ID):  That is really cool!  Did you go out?
Me (taking my ID back):  Did you actually look at my ID?
Stacy:  No, I just looked to see if it was vertical or horizontal.  Haha.
Me:  Here, look again.
Stacy:  Oh, hahahaha. (clearly confused)
Me:  You are the worst ID checker ever.  I am 30.
Stacy:  Oh, (now looking at in depth).  OH, HA!

She flirted with me a bit more (yeah, I have a girlfriend, but flirting with a waitress is a wise thing) and at the end of meal, she brings me out a cake.  I tried to get her to sing happy birthday.  She then brings the check.  She did not charge me for my meal or for my first beer.  I had no idea that Champs had that policy, she could have just said I got a free beer or something.  Hell, the free cake was a nice touch.  She definitely went above and beyond to make my birthday feel special.

After that we went to my mom's house to watch the Penn State game.  I do not want to talk about how great it was to watch PSU beat the crap out of Iowa how shitty it was to watch PSU get beat down by Iowa.  After the game, a few of us went out to the Pub.  That is when things go way downhill.

My girlfriend was supposed to meet us there after work.  By the time she got there, I was in full on blackout mode.  I have one memory of how I got there.  Tommy (a bartender from another bar) bought me a shot.  I am pretty sure it was a Three Wisemen.  I do not like whiskey at all.  As soon as I drank it, I could feel it hitting me.

When my girlfriend did finally arrive, I was a wreck.  Adam and Lora convinced her to take me home.  I went to bed and I guess in the middle of the night I woke up and decided to pee in my garbage can.  Is there anything to really say about the night?  Obviously it is a great night when you pee in a garbage can.

I also received some great gifts:
-Money
-Pirates hat (from Lora), which was too big, but I exchanged it for the correct size.
-Penn State shirt (from Adam), I have a degree from the school and yet almost no clothes from there.
-Superman/Batman:  Apocalypse DVD (Adam again)
-Batman Silly Bands (Adam)
-Comic Books (Kacie)
-Pens tickets (Mystery girlfriend)
-I Love Jesus shot glass (Lora)...I really wish I would have taken that shot with this glass.  I bet I would not have blacked out.
-Family Guy DVD (Adam)...apparently it was a banned episode.  I may watch it tonight.

Thank you to everyone who made turning 30 such a great time!

I am an Uber-Nerd

This video claims to be every lightsaber ignition in the Star Wars movies?  I can think of a few that it missed just sitting here thinking back on the originals:  Vader and Luke's battle in the cave (granted it was just a vision of Vader, but it felt real to us...)


My first thought was of Vader when he first meets Obi-Wan on the Death Star, but Vader's lightsaber is already ignited (waste of batteries dude).  What about in Empire when Han uses the lightsaber to cut open the Tauntaun?  Or what about when Luke uses it to kill the ice monster?  Those are just a few I can think of off the top of my head.  Very sloppy work.

Some Brief Updates

It's been a crazy couple of days here and so while I'm distracted by the Mets absolutely killing it out of the All-Star Break -- and by "killing it" I mean "killing their season" -- I'm still going to get you a few piece of valuable information. Once you're done reading about the Devils re-signing massive free agent Ilya Kovalchuk, a move that very well might define the franchise for 20 years -- and save all of us from a long process of LeBron-like proportions -- after they shocked most of the hockey world by acquiring him via trade in February.

No matter. I have more important information afoot.

First of all, when I first started writing a book about my adventures where I went from one place to the next seeing ports arenas, I began scribbling about them in April of 2009. At the time I had seen some 24 teams and set the rather auspicious goal of having all of them written about by the time I went on my massive vacation out west last June. This did not happen. Instead, I was lazy, bumbling, and actually wound up spending some four months suffering through writer's block on my chapter about the Philadelphia Phillies. A rough combination of being daunted by the job and just being outstandingly lazy.

More the latter.

Well, my dear readers, get excited because now, at long last, I have finally reached the unreachable star. Sort of. I still have some 89 teams left to see and write about, but after finally polishing off a story about my trip to see the Mets visit the Orioles in Baltimore last month this Sunday I am now entirely caught up the present in penning my adventures. Don't get me wrong, there are many more to come, but at the very least I am no longer behind the eight ball.

I'm sure you're all breathing a little sigh of relief now.

The other big news is that my brother's impending wedding is warranting a transcontinental bachelor party. The big day is only six weeks or so off, and in the meantime, Elliott, myself and some friends will be heading to San Diego on Thursday for the purposes of celebrating his last days as a free man in a typical and totally not outrageously nerdy way at all. I'll bet all of you wish you could spend this Friday listening to a bunch of Hasbro designers talk about fashioning Star Wars action figures.

Who needs strippers?

The reason this has warranted mention here on my sports-centric blog is because after my time at the San Diego Comic-Con I will be heading up to Los Angeles where, if all the planning goes well, I will make the Los Angeles Dodgers the 34th team I cross off the list when they host my hot-as-pistols New York Mets Sunday at Dodger Stadium. There are still details to be hammered out, like seeing if the Amazins can find their heads and stop being an embarrassment, but I'm hopeful it all gets taken care of and yet another stop is taken care of.

Of course, at that point, the only problem is I'll be back behind schedule.... But don't worry, I have a long plane flight to occupy myself with after the game. And unlike a certain New Jersey Devils left winger, it won't take me three weeks to make up my mind on how to write it.

Pretty Funny

This video is long, but it is definitely worth it.  Darth Vader's scenes redubbed with James Earl Jones lines from other movies.  It is hilarious how some of them fit quite well.  Or how silly some of them can be.  Trust me and watch it.  You will not be disappointed.

So I Guess I'm Missing Christmas. Well, Hanukkah.

It's entirely possible that there are some people out there reading this on a regular basis who don't actually know me, but I'm highly skeptical. And if my inclinations are, in fact, correct, me pointing out on here that I'm going to Israel for 11 days on Monday is probably unnecessary, but just in case you missed the memo, I am leaving for Israel on Monday.

What does this mean for you?

Well, probably not a whole lot in your day-to-day lives. I think the vast majority of you get by without seeing or speaking to me every 24 hours, but if part of your daily routine involves reading my absolutely phenomenal musings, well you're about to take a break. I'm not sure how much internet access I'm going to have in the holy land over the next two weeks -- I'm expecting it to be almost none -- but the upshot of that is most e-mails won't be answered and it's extremely unlikely that I'll actually be able to post any blog entries.

If I do, consider it a present. From me to you.

If I have the time to post a full story before I head out -- this is looking unlikely -- I will do so Monday morning just so you have one last bit of entertainment before I'm gone.

What this all means for me, however, is that last night I realized that I will be missing perhaps the holiest of holy days on the sports calendar. Due to a massive oversight on my part, I will probably be hiking up Masada or somewhere else in the Negev at the time CBS unveils the 2010 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Bracket.

I'm missing Selection Sunday.

This is a pretty big issue for me, and while I don't regret missing one Selection Sunday for the opportunity to take a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Middle East, well, it's a tad jarring. Then again, maybe I've been focusing on college basketball too much. After all, as you can see to the left, my religion isn't the one that gets to have any bracket-related fun. But the unveiling of the NCAA Tournament Bracket is one of the cherished moments on the annual sports calendar, up there with Major League Baseball's Opening Day or the Super Bowl. Every single Selection Sunday for at least a decade now, I have sat by the television and waited for the moment that I got to fill out my almost certain to be incorrect predictions for March Madness.

I say certain to be incorrect because the odds of correctly predicting the entire tournament are roughly 1 in 9.22 quintillion. I, clearly, have never done this, though I ought to point out that I did correctly get the entire Final Four in 2001, picking Duke, Maryland, Arizona and Michigan State. Five years later, in the year George Mason shocked the world, I turned an almost more remarkable trick by getting all four of my Final Four teams into the Elite Eight only to see all of them lose. The year before that, I correctly tabbed the first 27 games of the tournament and finished the first round 30-2.

The two teams I missed? Kansas, which I had in the Sweet Sixteen, in an upset loss to Bucknell, and Syracuse, who I had in the Final Four, which lost in its own upset to Vermont. Without two of my deep teams, my bracket was done after one round despite my best first round ever. My hope is that I will get near a computer in enough time to fill out a bracket at some point when I'm in Israel, and Israelis are no strangers to basketball. Maccabi Tel Aviv is a noted Euroleague power, but given that I will be in the desert most of the days after the tournament field is announced I'm skeptical. To boot, I won't be watching the first day of the tournament, another one of the great sports days of the year, because I don't think my trip can afford me the time to find some sports bar in Tel Aviv that will let me watch basketball for 12 hours. Of course, given that, barring an impressive run in the Big Ten Tourney, my Northwestern Wildcats' once-promising hopes of ending their record tournament drought this year are pretty much gone, it may be just as well.

I will also be missing some birthdays while I'm gone, and for those of you who want to know how I could leave you, well, see above.

While we're on the confluence of basketball and religion, I would like to touch on one more incident some of you may have heard about last night, when the Cleveland Cavaliers distributed free snuggies to everyone in attendance at their win over the Detroit Pistons in an effort to set the Guinness World Record for most snuggies worn in one place. The disturbing part about all of this to me is not that some sports team would take advantage of their arena's size to set some remarkably goofy record. I was once part of an effort to set the record for most people crunching on potato chips at one time.

The part of this whole snuggie-related event that made me uncomfortable was that the Cavaliers wear a deep red color that en masse could be misconstrued as some sort of maroon. And the problem that comes with that, as you can see from video of the event, is that it looks like a massive gathering for some sort of doomsday cult. Seriously, what else am I supposed to think when I see 20,000 people wearing robes gathered in one place. It's either a cult preparing for the end of days or a jawa convention.

And we're not on Tatooine.

Tatooine does, however, in some ways look, I assume, like the desert in southern Israel, considering George Lucas filmed those scenes in Tunisia. And so we're back to square one. I hope all of you manage to survive without my irrepressible wit and charm until March 19th. I will try to update at some point from there if I can, but given my remote contact with the American sports scene it could be tricky. In any event, I hope all of you manage to enjoy yourselves without me until I return. Don't worry, I won't be gone too long.

Israel here I come.

I Cannot Believe I Never Posted This Video

Yes, that is the title.  Get over it.  Anyways, enjoy my favorite Robot Chicken video of all time.



Also, if you noticed, I put up a FAQ page.  It makes me laugh, so hopefully it will make you laugh.  I am also accepting more questions to answer.

This is It Exactly

Watch this girl recap the Star Wars trilogy, even though she has not really seen all of it. Very funny.


Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Very Funny

Seriously, just watch it and laugh like I did.